From the moment I prayed, everything about my peaceful sacred morning began to quickly unravel. I soon could find no quiet in which to pursue my studies. My patience slowly began to deteriorate. The disruption of my personal studies soon turned to a smoldering aggrevation, then to a vocal anger. Ugly words to my wife, then to my daughter, and even to my young grandson. Not only could I not complete my studies, I had now digressed into a fleshly temper that would not allow me to lead the study that I was so looking forward to. I drove off alone in my anger and spent an hour deliberating on all the things that others had done wrong in taking me away from my time with God. I was quickly able to create quite a list of the wrongdoings on their part, then began to plan how to address their faults with them. I even flipped open my Bible to find some reinforcing words to make my points.
My Bible flopped open to Luke Chapter 6 where I read God's word to me; " Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye. So after an hour of wasted time spent on my own prideful and selfish pursuits, God shut me up and reminded me of my prayer that morning. Once humbled and repentant, I repeated my prayer; God, what do you want me to hear from you today?
What he gave me was a song, a hymn, that was buried at the back of the book I was studying from, Packer's "Knowing God." It's an old hymn from the great John Newton that not only clearly expressed the circumstances of my day, but is a poignant lesson to all who dare to ask God to show himself to us in a special way. Allow me to share it with you:
I asked the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face.
I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.
"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried
"Wilt thou pursue Thy worm to death?"
"Tis in this way" the Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith."
"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou may'st seek thy all in Me."
So my friend, God was faithful in answering my prayer to show Himself to me in a special way. I was in hopes of a word from him to reveal more His great Love.......and instead, He used his great Love for me, as only a loving Father does, and revealed instead a lesson on Humility. Thanks Dad.........
